Monday, May 9, 2011

Ways to improve dialogue

Conflicts both external and our deepest disagreements depend on dialogue we have. In fact you could say that all our relationships are based on our capacity for dialogue.

Conflict is generated when there are differences between what we think and what they finally do. Can not find harmony when our internal dialogue becomes a battle. Our world will then become a perpetual struggle that will never be defeated nor victorious. The challenge is learning to talk, but how to improve our dialogue?

1 .- Avoid blame.

It is useless to "get the dirt." By establishing a dialogue we must not lose sight of what the main objective. What is the purpose of that conversation.

When we exercise our dialectical force to destroy the other hand, began a battle that will not find a winner. If the result we want to get a better understanding, an approach, nothing can help us attack, resist or fight. Accept what happens without trials or reviews, is the first step.

Part of our responsibility on this issue is to create an environment in which active listening is the companion of a more relaxed atmosphere in which all parties can speak freely.

2 .- Count to ten

We've all heard this easy formula. And the truth is it takes control to do so. Certainly if you are able to stop and control for a moment the situation is not going to be necessary that you have. The work will be made upon you to stop.

Do not let a flood of emotions control your dialogue. At some point in our lives, almost everyone, sorry for what we have said and done in front of a conversation that should have been decisive and not a cause of a major conflict. Control over your emotions is the foundation that will lead to a full and satisfying life at all levels.

3.-Stand in the place of another.

Keep in mind at all times, that truth has only one face. Try to understand that attempts to cover basic needs and achieve the other side. Try to understand what really is bothering you so much.

Once you've taken control, the rest is relatively easy. Try to step back. How would this situation a person completely oblivious? How is living at the opposite end?.

Do not lose sight of what is the ultimate goal of this dialogue. Whether internal or external, factors to consider are the same. And the repercussions and tools ... as well.

When you express your feelings and lose sight of the goal and the other views, your internal dialogue is also failing on the same basis. Are you saying what you really meant? "You're saying as you wanted? Does the winner based on feeling more dialectical force, will make you feel good?.

Remember that there is always a point where everyone may benefit, or less affected. To find it you need to open to opposing points initially. You'll see a surprising and almost never are as far as you thought ...

4 .- The Power of Anger

Every time I choose anger, being granted the power to rest easy, for gobernarte.

It may be that verbal and openly express or through the sarcasm, ridicule or even physical violence.

Movies, books, video games and other means, we come to anger, presenting it as a quality to be considered for the victory. There are even psychological trends that invite patients to express their anger more blunt, shouting or breaking objects.

You should not confuse ever. Anger is destructive in any form. You and your environment.

A confident and secure person, drawing strength from the failure to identify, serenity, and equanimity.

Maybe you are one of those parents who make daily battles his days more or less open, to get to an order that never comes.

Every time you whine so quickly because "they" did not behave like you expected, you are choosing to paralyze you, leaving you hurt and depriving yourself of any search to a resolution or learning.

Maybe you're the other side, supporting others and their own anger at work, car, sports, taxes, shopping ... any excuse.

In both cases, whether express or not, anger and anger accompany you again and again to the inevitable loss of control and make it impossible not only your progress but will condemn you to a gray life, lonely and frustrating.

The next time you feel anger born out of control, stop for a minute. Just a minute. In few steps you will have learned about how to behave and to evolve it as you go.

Change the anger by understanding and begin to experience the power of a more open dialogue and mutually beneficial.